Fear, Finance, and Flour: Why I’m Not Waiting to Start a Family

Delay in Marriage & Children

If life is like a soufflé, I often wonder: am I simply waiting for the oven to reach the right temperature before I dare to start the timer? For many of us today, that "oven temperature" represents financial stability and career growth—and right now, it feels like the pre-heat is taking longer than ever. I find myself asking why so many of my peers are waiting to marry or have children, and I realize the answers usually boil down to two things: money and fear.

First, I see how money dominates the conversation. I feel that same desire to be financially "set" before taking the plunge. When I look at the studies mentioning how pricey it is to host a wedding or raise a child, it’s easy to feel like I can't afford to start the recipe yet.

Second, I think we often become paralyzed by fear. The dictionary defines fear as an unpleasant emotion caused by the anticipation of danger, and I find it so natural to feel that "heat" when facing the unknown. I’ve felt those anxieties myself—fear about how a marriage might change my relationship, fear of not knowing how to raise a child, and honestly, a deep fear of the sacrifices required.

I see this playing out across the country as everyone waits for their "oven to heat up." The current birth rate in the United States has dropped to 1.6 children per woman, a steady decrease that worries me. I agree with the perspective shared by Life News when they call for a renewed focus on the sanctity of life and better support for families.

My Perspective: Life as a Gift

I believe that life is a gift and that by having children, I am participating in a divine act of creation. Furthermore, I’ve come to realize that it is more important for me to start my "timer" before the oven feels fully ready, so I can experience the baking to its fullest. I’ve learned that I’m never going to feel completely "ready" to be an adult, and there will never be a perfectly convenient time.

The Institute for Family Studies states that, "The decline in marrying at age 25 may now be subsiding, but the effects of past delays will continue into older ages. This means that plausibly, one-third of men and women who turn 45 in 2050 will not marry. It points to long-term fertility declines being hard to prevent, since marriage is a major factor shaping fertility behavior.". That saddens me, because I see so many benefits to starting this journey while we’re still young:

• The Reward: I get to see the "rise" and growth of my family firsthand. I believe families are the center of our joy, but only if we let them happen.
• The Energy: I want to have the physical stamina to play with my kids. I know children need that active play to develop, and I’d rather keep up with them now while I still have the energy to run and jump.
• The Growth: This is a unique time for me to learn. Children have a way of showing us exactly how we can become better versions of ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong—I understand these feelings because I’ve lived them. I got married when I was 21 years old, and the thought of having children was the scariest thing in the world to me. I had voices in my head saying, "You’re too young," "You’re going to mess them up," and "How will you pay for this while you're still in school?" Those thoughts are natural. But then I asked myself: Would I refuse to bake a soufflé just because I’m scared of potentially burning it?

Finding someone I love and starting a family has become my greatest joy. Instead of waiting for a "right time" that might never come, I’m choosing to live in the present. I believe in a higher being who has given us the opportunity to learn as we fulfill the gift of creating a family. I want to face my fears with confidence, believing that if I keep moving forward, it will all work out better than I ever imagined.